


Half Bad/Life Trilogy Crack

by Il_Coniglio



Category: Half Life Trilogy - Sally Green
Genre: Bills, Crack, KYS, Other, Pizza, Sorry Not Sorry, Stop - Freeform, Swearing, i haven't read this book, im really sorry, kill me, pizza boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Il_Coniglio/pseuds/Il_Coniglio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T EVER READ THESE BOOKS BUT MY FRIEND TALKS ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME SO THIS S WHAT I SEE THESE CHARACTERS DOING. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. PLEASE. AND IF FOR SOME REASON SALLY GREEN FINDS THIS IM SORRY, DON'T HATE ME. (But i'm making these characters into monsters.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PIZZA BOYS (YUM)

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't kill me, this is all crack and I know almost nothing of these books.

Marcus liked Pizza Boys, but not sexually, more like, they taste real good. He always sat at the door waiting for the pizza boys to show up with the pizza that would not be eating. But ordering the pizza could be a trouble.

"Yo sup this is Pizza Pub, Why are you calling?" the man on the other side said after picking up the phone. He sounded strangely american. 

"Yes i would like to place a delivery for a pizza boy, with a side of pepperoni." He says calmly. He waits for the man to reply till the confused man replies.

"Could you repeat hat sir?"

Oops i said pizza boy, lol. "A pepperoni pizza for delivery?" he says acting like the man is deaf.

"Oh yes, okay sir, can I have your address?"

He gives the address then starts to wait for the delicious Pizza Boy. He had tried Chinese delivery boys, Sushi Delivery Boys, Jimmy Johns Delivery Boys, and Quiznos Delivery Boys but they just don't have the same taste. He also found out Pizza Pub is the best, the leave a bit of a tangy taste, like tangy barbecue sauce.

After about 15 minutes the bell rings, he jumps up and opens the door, seeing as it was raining it would be easy to coax the boy in. 

"Hey boy, its raining and i need to find my wallet would you wait in side, but don't move off the the rug." He says before 'going to get his wallet'. the boys foolishly walks in and after the door closes he attacks.

-Time skip by the o so cannon Nabriel-

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Tastes so good." He says after finishing the boy. 

-END-


	2. Gaberiel and Nathan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My mind went to a dark place after reading some weird stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one may be offensive or something. Idk. Just very gay.

"Nathan. Your father, is dead. Oh no." Gabriel said in a monotone voice, placing his hands on his checks, showing the very shocked expression on his face.

"Yes he is now dead. I will now eat his heart or some shit like that." Nathan cuts open his father after getting over the odd smell of pizza. Then took his heart and nomed on it for a short while.

"Now Nathan, I have something to confess." Gabriel looked at Nathan, his eyes sparkled like sparkling juice. He place a hand on the now bloodied face in front of him. "Your family is fucking gross." He said raising his eyebrows, "I mean your eat your fathers fucking heart." He was silenced by Nathan's hand on his face.

"You don't understand Gabreil, it's just the homosexual agenda, aka my life." Nathan bowed his head, "but Gabreil I need a flaming homosexual to help me with my life now. Will you be that one?"

"wHY DIDNT YOU ASK EARLIER?????" Gabreil ripped off his shirt to show a now very toned body and a little bit of belly fat, but also the word, "GAY". He swayed his hips over to him with a sexy smirk. "Come on baby lets get to work~~~~~"

"Mmmm yes."

Then they finished the bills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


	3. Odd Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I'm sorry.

Markus licked his lips while he watched the Plummer fix his pipes, oh yeah fix the shit. Was all that went threw his mind, then he realized how good the plumper would taste, he had gone on a diet away from pizza boys, but now he was on plumbers. 

After an hour the plumper finished his job and asked for the money, but instead Markus climbed onto the plumper and snapped his neck. His slowly licked the dead mans neck while feeling the rather fat body under his, he took a quick bite out of the mans neck, licking the flesh that now oozed blood. The bumpy feeling of moist flesh made his body tingle. He took another bite, this time after the bite he started to peel skin down his neck leaving a long thick line of blood combing from theatre wound, he slurped up the skin as if it was just a noodle then enjoye the rest of his meal. His hands tracing the body of the plumper.

All this happened while Nathan and Gabreil had their own fun upstairs.


	4. Smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't fucking know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I have no idea what I'm about to write :)

"Nathan, I need to ask a favor." Markus asked his son.

"I thought you were dead."

"Shh son. I need you to pretend it's your birthday so I can order a princess."

"No."

"Gabriel can come over."

"Happy homo birthday to be bitches."

 

Nathan and Gabriel now sat upstairs as Nathan's father was talking to the party Princess.

"Miss would you please wait here?"

"Sure."

Markus went behind her before touch her booty cheek, than snapping her head backwards, so the eyes went cold. He than started to eat her nose, than lips, than Dat Ass as the kids say.

The entire time Nathan and Gabriel were frickel fraking.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im back bitches

Rose sat in fanfiction hell writing about Nathan and Gabriel, they were frickle fraking.

Oh no, there ws satan, her boss. he was displeased with her work. It wasnt kinky enough. What a shame, Rose is now being sent to heaven.

Her fanfictions will be missed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no inspiration sorry.


	6. LOOK AT ALL THOSE SPOILERS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR HALF LOST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN, SPOILERS FOR HALF LOST

"Oh Gabriel how I miss you. I am the sorry my bitch sis killed you." Nathan cried after his monotone statement, he had just planted a small tree.  
"Nathan get your lazy ass up and get in your costume!" Marcus said. even though he was dead he did a deal with jesus and came back to life, you know?  
"But father, I do not want to be a cheeseburger, I am vegan now, for Gabby."  
"Thats some pussy ass bullshit right there Nathan, now get your ass in the costume!"  
"Ok dad." Nathan left and got the costume on, he came back to the tree to see Gabriel there, he looked so noice.  
"Nathan, my totally platonic friend, super not gay. I have come back for you." Gabriel smiled and hugged his platonic cheeseburger friend.  
"O Gabby I missed you."  
"I missed you too, now how about we do something a little more, x rated?"  
"Oh my~"

And they did the bills, like old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know what the fuck this chapter was, but hey I read the first two books and then skimmed through my friends copy of half lost.


	7. HALF CODES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the third book? Relationship wise?

Aaron and Adele had like 10 kids, they ran around and were obnoxious af. like holy shit.  
Nathan and Gabriel (Who is totally not dead) were looking after the little shits. One that looked like Arron was running around declaring that he was the king of the world.  
Nathans own son, Edge was crying because he was being bullied by his cousins. Nathan just pointed and laughed at his son, Gaybriel was sleeping in a tree, somehow he didnt fall out.  
Nathan got tired of this shit and stopped time, then he decided to move all the kids into the house, putting each one in a different room. when he started time again he heard them all cry while being confused. he didn't give a shit because he was gangster as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, im sick and don't remember how to be funny.


	8. Bbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bbies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mm mm

Nathan and Gabriel sighed and watched Edge, Nathan poked his son and called him a pussy whenever he cried. Gabriel was very pregnant, despite whatever you learned in school he was pregnant okay.  
"Be nice Nathan."  
"No."  
"No bills then."  
Nathan cried and got his cheeseburger suit of shame on.


	9. Man babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School sex Ed lied to you

Gabriel was having a baby.  
Nathan was still in his cheeseburger suit of shame but watching as somehow his husbando gave birth.  
Edge was in his edgy phase and was plotting to kill the baby, little did he know.

He was the baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High school is killing me so have this.
> 
> Also I realized that my early chapters were technically vore


	10. Daddy-kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

"Daddy pass the salt."

Nathan never realized how awkward it would be for him when both Gabriel and Marcus reached for the salt.

Nathan had some explaining to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	11. Daddy

"Daddy"

It was Edges first word.

It's also all he heard his fathers say ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is life


End file.
